Alone

I wake from a night of unusual dreams in which a parade of family and friends tell me what I want to hear, and what I fear. It’s nine o’clock. I lie in bed for a while listening to Saturday sounds. Pop music and lawn mowers are mixed with the more distant whoosh of cars taking kids to sporting events.

My prayer beads are almost hidden under a T-shirt, a book on body language and a movie titled ‘Fearless’. The wooden beads rub against each other making a reassuring whizzing sound as I lift them into my lap. Being Saturday I decide to meditate until my crossed legs get too sore. My back relaxes and realigns itself my mind slowly settles and I feel happy.

45 minutes later I lift my numb legs out of bed and while I wait for blood to flow back in to them I indulge a melancholy thought about couples heading to cafes for brunch.

After Yoga, breakfast and with my laundry swaying lazily on the washing line it’s time to think about the day. I rub the palm of my hand across my cheek as I mull over my limited options. Immediately I’m reminded of two things. Firstly, that I had my first swimming injury yesterday – I scrapped a small amount of skin off my hand lifting myself out of the pool. Secondly, I need a shave.

It’s 1:30pm when I finally back my car out of the garage. The sun is shinning brightly overhead and I open the windows to let in some cooler air. Tall gum trees line the sides of the road and the scene makes me smile – I’m in Australia.

There is a fair amount of traffic today; most of it seems to be heading in the same direction as me – the plaza. People wander mindlessly from shop to shop and I’m happy to join them for a while but soon get bored of it. It’s still hot so I decide the pool is a better place to be.

Kids splash each other and invent complicated games. Teenagers lounge on pool toys and find excuses to touch their friends of the opposite sex. I swim somewhat lethargically backwards and forwards stopping after each lap to watch all the goings on.

By the time I’m home and have my laundry back in the basket it’s time for dinner. The juice extractor gets fired up and I raid the fridge for some other bits and pieces.

The dishwasher is still whirring as I lie down on my bed with my notebook computer, a drink and that movie titled ‘Fearless’.

The movie is about a man who survives a plane crash and loses his fear of death in the process. I’m tired as the movie ends and I go to sleep with its last words still in my mind.

I’m alive.